So Far Away, but So Close

Yesterday in class we talk about six word memoirs. Our writing assignment today was to write as many of them as we could think of. One that I wrote that has a lot of meaning to me is, “So far away, but so close.” I wrote this one about my father. My father died when I was 10-years-old. He was very dear to me and I miss him more than anything in the world.

The memoir I wrote has a double meaning. I feel like he’s very far away because I haven’t seen him in eight years, but I also know that he’s close in my heart. When he first died, it felt very unreal. I was more upset than anything because when I was a child I didn’t have many friends at all and I spent most of my time with him. I was young when it happened and that is a very tough thing for a child to deal with. After he died, my sister and I had to move in with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins. For awhile after it happened, things just kept getting worse. I didn’t want to talk to people about it because it always made me cry. I guess I was kind of depressed and my aunt realized it. She wouldn’t let me deal with it by myself anymore. My aunt and uncle helped me get through it. They would sit me down and let me talk about him. It really helped, but I still isolated myself from people. The children at my new school would try to become friends with me, but I felt like the only thing I wanted was to have my dad back in my life. My aunt and uncle knew it was hard for me and so they decided that counseling might be a good idea. My sister and I would go to a counselor once every week. At first, I didn’t think it was going to help me at all, but she really understood and helped me. She would tell me that it was okay to be sad, but that I couldn’t forget about all the other good things in my life. When it happened I never believed things would get better, but my counselor made me realize that I couldn’t dwell on his death forever. So after that I started making friends and things got better for me.

My father always wanted the best for me and there were times when he couldn’t give me everything I wanted. When I was about nine, I grew an interest for softball. Although I had never played, I thought it looked very fun. Around this same time was when my dad was diagnosed with an unknown cancer. I told him about my interest for softball, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to play because we didn’t have much money and my father wasn’t able to sign me up. In a way, I think it hurt him because he wasn’t capable of giving me what I wanted. I knew he was sick though so I didn’t care that I couldn’t play. All I ever wanted was for him to get better. One day he told my sister and me that he didn’t have much time left and that when he passed we would be staying with our aunt and uncle. He told me that I was going to get to play softball when I moved with them because he wanted me to have that opportunity. My father passed away about a week later while my whole family was on vacation. At the time I could’ve cared less about softball because my father was more important than anything. He had told my aunt and uncle that I wanted to play softball, so the following year they signed me up. I was horrible at first, but after the eight years that I played, I became a very good ball player.

I thank my father for the many things he gave me. He’s the reason I was given the opportunity to play softball. If I hadn’t of told him, I most likely wouldn’t have told my aunt and uncle. Softball gave me the best friends that I’ve ever had and it gave me talent that I can be proud of. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without the strength my father gave me. The only reason I moved on from his death was because I knew he didn’t want me to be upset all the time. When someone that close to you dies, it’s so hard to move on from it, but I did it with the strength my dad gave me. My life is great now, and I owe it all to him. He is the one that pushed me to succeed and to achieve great accomplishments. Everything I did after he died was to make him proud. I’ve never really tried to satisfy other people, but I have always done my best to make my dad happy. He has given me so much. Because of him I’m here at Virginia Tech. In school, I made straight A’s because I wanted to make him proud of me. Also, when he died my sister and I both received a college fund. That will help me out a lot while I’m here. The biggest thing my father has given me is his love. I never cared about having friends when I was younger because I always loved being with my dad. He would take my sister and me to go to fun things all the time. There was never a dull moment with him. It’s been eight years and although it’s been rough at times, I believe he gave me more than I could’ve ever asked for. He is always going to be close in my heart and I will think about him every day for the rest of my life. He’s so far away, but so close.